#25 - Books and Discretion

Limyé turned away from the painting, put a hand on the door of the cell.  “You aren’t being forced out, Ahrimaz.  If you feel safe here, you needn’t go out.”

Ahrimiar had waved at the guard beyond the outer hall door and they unlocked it, left it open.  Ahrimaz collapsed onto the floor, staring over Ahrimiar’s white hair.  Pleta, Oriké and Katishenne all had a heavy stack of books in their hands.  Ahrimiar had one in his hand as well, held out to Ahrimaz.  “Here’s the one that has the laws against confinement that I talked about.  I thought you would be interested.  Had you taken us to court with this one, and could prove to an Apparheitos arbiter that you weren’t a danger to anyone who didn’t attack you, would have forced us to let you go.”

“But… why… but… you aren’t fighting me on this? You’re just handing me the laws?  You kept me in ignorance and now you hand me, the starving man, a banquet?”  Ahrimaz clambered to his feet and reach out toward Limyé who still stood at the closed cell door, fingers laced through the bars.

He didn’t flinch as Ahrimaz closed his hand on his fingers.  Ahri squeezed, staring into Limyé’s eyes and then eased back, flung his other arm up and set his teeth in the callus on that side, eyes clenched shut.  “You didn’t hurt me, Ahrimaz.  You pressed hard but stopped at the point of hurting me.”

Ahri was sobbing through his teeth, through his flesh, forced his eyes open and looked at the books now neatly lined up on the shelves of a folding bookshelf that Pleta had brought in. He took a deep breath, looked at Limyé and then over at Ahrimiar.

He left his eyes on the older man, teeth still clenched in the flesh of his forearm, as he reached out again, carefully, and slowly touched the iron latch--raised it with a click that rang through him like an earthquake because it moved.  It wasn’t locked.

From where he’d staggered back, a step or two, nearly falling over one of the dogs, he stared at them all.  Limyé, who hadn’t moved, Ahrimiar who was just sliding the law tome into the shelf from where he sat, long arm stretched out, to Oriké who had just brought another few books in.  “You’re all mad.  Madder than I am.  You’re treating me as if I deserve to be treated well, treated like I’m injured or ill instead of fucked in the wits.  You’re all open and giving and so trusting and and I… can’t… stand… it!”  He flung his hands over his face.

The big old cat hit him softly behind the knees so he went down onto the floor and the three animals clambered onto him, pinning him down.  Not licking, not nosing him, just… keeping him still and warm.

“I’ll see you again,” Ahrimiar said.  “Once you are composed perhaps you and Pel might go to one of the libraries to pick out something that interests you, instead of my guesses, here.” He waved at the shelf.  “And you should probably rest after this upheaval and eat more.  When you’re up to opening that door by yourself, you should come and start training with us.  Or just watching the new classes.  Rutaçyen has given her permission for you to come and go at the salle, at your discretion.”

“Discretion??? DISCRETION?”  But he didn’t have the strength to start screaming.  These people, these animals were all mad.

Limyé turned and began painting a Red Breast onto a branch of his tree, humming.

“You’re not going away too?” Ahrimaz cast a glance to see that the outer hall door was now open. There was no guard sitting on the stool there.  Insanity.  These people were giving insane.

“No.  I would not abandon my patient in crisis,” he said.  “I will just be here for if and when you need.”

“Aaaawwww, awwwhhh, awwwwhhhhnnngh!”  The sound forcing its way out of Ahrimaz’s terror-constricted throat was almost a bray.  Not a laugh, not a scream but a bit of both as he writhed on the floor under the dogs and the cat who kept him from biting himself.  They had his arms pinned down.  “You… you… you’re all mad… fire-fucking insane… drowning crazy!  I’m drowning in all this emotion!  You’ve ripped the lid off it and it’s so deep and so wide I’ll drown in it.  It’s endless, bottomless…”

“You feel it is unending,” Limyé said, then put his tongue out the corner of his lip as he concentrated on a line of paint, glancing over to see if the animals still had him cuddled.  “It’s not.”

Ahri had enough strength, just from having eaten, to weep.  “I’m going… going… going to melt into a puddle of tears if you have your way!”

“No.  You just have a few years of tears to get caught up on.”